When Curiosity Meets Pressure: A Six-Part Reflection on Learning

Skating for the Love of It

Watching that hockey game lingered in my mind for days. The shift had been so obvious — the moment pressure disappeared, the joy of the game returned.

Not long afterward, a conversation with one of our students revealed the same dynamic in a completely different setting: a figure skating competition.

The student had been thinking about how pressure changes performance — and what it means to choose a different mindset. They had been watching interviews with Olympic skater Alysa Liu and learning more about her journey.

One part of Liu’s story stood out.

Liu has talked freely about her ADHD, providing so much inspiration to so many of our students that view their sport as their medicine, a tool through which they regulate.  But Liu also talked openly about rediscovering joy in skating — choosing to perform freely rather than skating under the weight of expectation.

The student reflected on their own experience and on an invitational competition a few hours away from Cary, but still in North Carolina. 

They told me:

“I’m taking a page from Alysa Liu’s book. I watched a video from on of my exhibitions earlier this season, and I could see the stress on my face and in my body. I don’t want to look like that when I skate. I don’t want to feel that. I skate because I love it. It frees me.  So, I’m going to skate like that at the competition.  And if I dont get a trophy, that’s okay.  At least I’ll be smiling."

It was a remarkable insight.

The goal of the competition hadn’t changed.But the mindset had.

Instead of skating for a medal, they wanted to skate for the joy of the craft itself.

Performance vs Mastery

In psychology and education, researchers often distinguish between two kinds of motivation.

Performance mindset	Mastery mindset
Focus on results	Focus on improvement
Fear of mistakes	Learning through mistakes
External rewards	Internal satisfaction

Performance pressure can drive achievement.

But mastery — the desire to improve because the activity itself matters — is what sustains long-term engagement. Many of the best athletes eventually rediscover this balance.

They remember why they fell in love with their sport in the first place.

When Pressure Becomes the Point

Unfortunately, in many environments — sports and academics alike — pressure gradually becomes the central force, especially in a high-performing, highly competitive area like Wake County. 

The scoreboard matters.

The ranking matters.

The result matters.

Sometimes so much that the activity itself starts to feel secondary. Students and athletes may still perform well. But the joy that once fueled the effort begins to fade.

And when that happens long enough, something deeper can occur.

Burnout.

(Next in the series: why bright, capable students often disengage when pressure replaces curiosity.)

About the author: Kelly Hayes is the founder of Wonder Learning Center, a hybrid microschool in Apex, NC serving curious and twice-exceptional students in grades 6–10. With a background in law and education, she works closely with families navigating the intersection of giftedness, neurodivergence, and meaningful learning.

Related Reading

• When the Game Doesn’t Matter